So I haven’t been on much, I haven’t forgotten my tumblr friends but I had to pull away for a bit. Real life has been kicking me in the butt, my family has had to deal with a brother slipping back into addictive behaviour, taking our cars without our knowledge or permission, and lying about where he is going with our cars when he does have permission. He’s already been to prison once for armed robbery and at this point I want nothing to do with him.
I’ve also been dealing with a crappy immune system, getting a cold for the third time this year and that’s just destroying my chest and lungs on top of dealing with pcos and rupturing cysts and bleeding from it so much I’ve destroyed bedding and clothing despite resorting to adult pullups and iron suppliments. At this point the doctors are just putting me on bed rest which I can’t afford. I nedd to work and pay off debt which means most days I’m out of the house for 14 hours, 6-7 hours of that just in driving most days.
So, I’m looking at the possibility of getting a full hysterectomy. I’m not sexually active, I plan on adopting and this isn’t a rash decision. I’ve been debating and mourning my inability to have natural children for the last four years. If I can’t use my internal female organs the way they’re supposed to be used, if its causing me constant pain and illness and clothing then why am I keeping it? If an appendix is infected you remove, my ovaries are basically exploding inside, filling my bloodstream with toxins, causing me to bleed so heavily I’m anemic and vomiting from pain and you tell me to rest in bed?
I got hours cut by one family, another has his job atm tentatively so if he does lose his job I lose mine.
So I’m dealing, some days better than others but I’m not gone.
Ihave been switching a lot which leads to my days off disappearing, yay